I have so many questions. this has been a fantasy of mine since highschool. I tried it once but couldn t go threw with it then. I still think of it a lot. is this a sickness I have? where did this come from? if we do it will it stop haunting me? am I a bad person for these fantasies.
About six years into our marriage my wife cheated on me. I almost had sex with her close friend one night about a year before her cheating. so I blame myself. we were going through a tuff time, we had moved to Las Vegas cuz houses were cheaper than they were in california. we moved next to her aunt and uncle. I couldn t find work I was having a tuff time. her uncles friends were flirting with her daily right in front of me. if I could do it over I would fight them everytime they did it. until they stopped coming around.
My wife then told me she was thinking about getting a divorce. but I insisted that we try to work it out. we had 2 children then. I didn t know what to do about work so I went to talk to a military recruiter joined the military knowing that it would change our lives. and I would be able to move us out of their. what I didn t know was my first duty station would be Korea. and that she would have to stay in Las Vegas until I returned after a year. maybe I could ve brought her with me but I didn t know then. I was told it was a hardship tour and I would have to go alone. maybe the cheating began before I left…? the guy was married also with a kid. I knew he didn t love her he just wanted someone to fuck on the side. This all happened in 2004/2005.it was the hardest year of my life up until that point, I almost tried to commit suicide being so depressed. I feel I need to know everything about it so I can let it go, wondering keeps it alive in my mind daily. I found out about in 2010, by then I had 5 children with her. I came home from Korea 2005 asked her if she had cheated millions of times, she always denied it. I think somehow I already knew, but wanted to believe her. Then in 2011 I found out that wasn t all she did. she had sex with her friends husband and one of his friends on the same night. that really hurts me too. she wont tell me about it either, she says she doesn t remember.
Now im still faced and battle with the hurt of betrayal. panic attacks everything that goes with it, and at the same time it turns me on sexually making me feel ashamed of myself and all the things that go along with that side of it. thinking that if that s what she wanted we could ve come to a agreement or something leave me even. Were they quick and meaningless or did they both give her facials. did they cum inside of her did she get pregnant. is there more that I don t know from all of the sexual thoughts about it. that hurt but at the same time arouse me. sometimes I think well she already cheated… why not satisfy my fantasies of banging my wife with other guys. why not enjoy watching her give a couple guys blowjobs until they cum in her mouth and up past her nose allover her face and tits while I fuck the shit out of her. Or should I send someone over to fuck her to see if she is strong enough to be My wife.
P.S. Guess were I am now?
Korea again 2012 opa gangbang style J/K lol.

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